


Just Me

by kwonhershey



Series: through the years [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst ?, Break Up, I think?, M/M, Seventeen - Freeform, i could never see jeongcheol this sad theyre always so heart eyes motherfucekn emoji for each other, i love jeongcheol, so much, svt - Freeform, there is a part two that im working on so we can chill, this is like a parent ship ngl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-05 22:56:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15873396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwonhershey/pseuds/kwonhershey
Summary: when the little thing becomes a big thing.





	Just Me

Jeonghan sat on their couch gripping his hair as he leans down. It’s happened, it’s finally happened after months of anticipation.

“Sometimes you brace yourself for it to come, and when it does, you realize you were never really ready for the impact.” Mingyu’s words rang in his hear; he once said it when he asked his hyung to come meet him. The past few months, Mingyu was the dongsaeng who was brave enough to ask Jeonghan to talk about it, to acknowledge what was wrong.

He angrily wiped his tears as he shakes his head, _this is going to pass_ , he thinks.

As much as their friends adore them, they knew Jeonghan and Seungcheol were on the brink of self destruction. Their relationship was already broken, their friends were concerned it would be themselves next.

Times like this, when Jeonghan is lost with so much to say yet so little to tell, made him wish he was with him, but the sad truth is that  _maybe_ it's better this way 

“Hyung, don’t you think you’re both done? Fuck what they say. 4 years isn’t worth it if youre both unhappy.” As much as he didn’t want to say it, Seokmin knew it was right and his hyung needed to hear it.

In every duo, there couldn’t be two totally similar characteristics turned combination. It’s all about each one’s differences merging with another — harmonizing.

Though, all the flames have burned out, the music strings are broken and their relationship couldn’t be saved.

Seungcheol hoped it could; they both knew it was too late. Every fight was anticipated, and every time it ended the same.

Jeonghan puts his hands on his face to quiet down his already quiet sobs. It was too much. He feels like his heart is about to jump out and rip itself apart in front of him, to make him feel better about all this. _Personifying my sadness,_ he thinks _, would make me feel lighter._

Not a second later, he flinches remembering their conversation a week ago. He wishes he's forgotten it but it was climactic for its anticlimactic moment for it to just swim around his head and forget it in a day or two.

_If it was only that easy._

Seungcheol took a deep breath dropping his body on the couch, “Why are we still doing this?” 

Jeonghan walked over to the end of the couch, a painful distance between them that they've gotten quite used to. “Fighting?”

“No," Seungcheol cleared his throat, "trying.”

It’s not only the words said that was overwhelming for him, it was the way they talked. Somehow, maybe screaming and throwing things at each other would have been easier, Jeonghan thinks. The only time they've had a proper conversation on the couch again was them finally realizing maybe it was time. 

That hurt them both the most. Mutually agreeing to give up was never what they had thought they’d do but here they are.

Little quarrels that only lasted for an hour tops lasted for a day to three to a week. Sometimes, reconciling would get too awkward they’d just push a fruit towards the other during breakfast, a little _have you eaten_ message at work or  _guess what I saw today._  But then, another day comes.

Breathlessly, he asked him, "Do you still love me?” 

“Jeonghan.”

“Cheollie, just answer me.”

“I don’t know.”

Jeonghan’s jaw clenched and his eyes turned glassy. Seuncheol looked down bashfully, not really missing the way Jeonghan was looking at him. He looked confused and definitely hurt. Seungcheol loved him, still as much which crazy but he knew his boyfriend's potential and Seungcheol knew himself too. He knew he's never going to be that guy for his angel.

Jeonghan gulped walking towards his boyfriend. Slowly putting his hand on his shoulder, maybe Seungcheol didn't want anything to do with him anymore, squeezing it a little, “It’s okay.” He whispered.

“Goodnight, Cheollie.” Jeonghan turned around walking back to what was their shared room which was now just Jeonghan’s.

“Hannie, wait.”

Jeonghan turned around to face Seungcheol, blissfully but wholeheartedly happy to do so just because they haven’t been seeing eye to eye lately, literally and figuratively.

“I miss you.” Seungcheol sobs before he hides his face in his hands. It was painful, Seungcheol had missed the way Jeonghan would wake up with him sprawling over the bed as Jeonghan lies away from his body. He misses the way he would wake up in the earliest hours of the morning listening to Jeonghan’s sleep talk followed by the snores. He’d miss everything about Jeonghan.

“I miss you too, Cheol.” He clears his throat to avoid the wavering voice that would betray him, “Get some sleep, babe.” With that, he shuts the door.

They both cry, one on the couch and one on the bed.

“It's -- I'm just me.” Seungcheol mutters one afternoon, angrily throwing the rock he’s been holding to the water. Joshua and Vernon stood behind him, watching the wreck who was their friend.

“Have you tried talking to him?” Vernon stupidly asks, which Joshua had to make sure Vernon knew it was stupid. He looks at Vernon with straight eyes and a tight lipped little pout.

Vernon widens his eyes and shrugs, “I’ve been single my whole life,” he mouths. Seungcheol lets out a little empty smile.

“It’s fine. I tried, we both tried.”

Jeonghan’s sobs have just subsided as he lied down on the couch, Seungcheol’s blanket draped over his crouching body trying to smell the last bit of his boyfriend.

Could he still call him that?

It’s been two days and they haven’t touched their phones, they haven’t tried to reach out — too scared to do so.

He closes his eyes in hopes for his headache to subside when it comes.

A light series of knocks come onto Jeonghan’s door and the sudden urge to cry has come back. But it didn’t. He felt too empty to do so. He takes a deep breath before rubbing his face to clear his mind, as if that would help. He wraps the blanket around his body walking over to the door, slowly just in case.

Who knew opening a door would take you back to the first few times you and your boyfriend shared messy kisses as you try to open it; takes you back to the time when you two would welcome your friends in for a drinking session, game night or movie saturdays; takes you back to the time when you —

There, Seungcheol widens his eyes at the sight of his Hannie.

Jeonghan lets a tear fall just staring at Seuncheol. He looks down and he sees a black bag, breaking his heart even more so.

So he nods, trying to take everything in for he surely expected this to happen soon. He expected it, but it still hurt. “You’re not here for apologies, are you?” 

_“sometimes you brace yourself for it to come, and when it does, you realize you were never really ready for the impact.”_

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> here's my first attempt to write a jeongcheol and yes it had to be angst im confused too.


End file.
